This is very, very important, so pay attention. Sometimes the most valuable tool in Paintball is the one you least expect: the distraction play.
I remember the day well; Matty Marshall and I were discussing distraction, down at the beach in San Diego. There we were, talking out our strategy, when out of nowhere the most amazing girl came strolling by. You should have seen her, long blond hair, beautiful blue eyes, and the smallest bikini on the hottest body I have ever seen...If I close my eyes I can still see her. By the time we both stopped staring, mouths agape, someone came by and stole all our beverages. Distraction – oh what a clever mistress she is. Still, at least that time we both agreed it had been worth it.
Believe it or not, distraction can be used in Paintball as well. “But why?” some may ask. Well, that is an excellent question, and I am glad you asked. Different situations and different teams will answer that question in their own way. When does Dynasty use distraction, when does Joy Division use distraction, you may inquire? I don’t know, but if you can go ahead and focus in on me there, fan-attic, I can tell you when Excessive uses distraction. You know, my team. Think you can do that for three minutes?
The most common and most popular distraction our team uses, I like to call the “Davey”. Back in the day when my compadres and I were coming up on the Ironmen, Davey always got the job of distracter, which really meant Davey always got the job of getting shot in half while we all ran to cool spots and looked like superstars. But as the throngs of gorgeous women were throwing themselves at us, and Davey was tending to his many bleeding and festering wounds, we would always tip our glasses to Davey, the ultimate wingman.
Cut your losses
It’s really quite simple. You want to take a real far bunker, perhaps a 50-yard line bunker, perhaps a 45-yard bunker that has proven tough to make. You take your distracter guy, in our case Davey, and run him well past the spot you are trying to make. He needs to run to roughly the same side of the field as the key bunker for it to work its magic properly. It usually works to run him to a bunker on the bad guys’ side of the field, or to try to bunker a bad guy off the break. While the other team is
panicking, you take one of your other quick front guys, and run him to the key bunker. You sacrifice the Davey character, so make sure that the key spot is worth taking. That spot better be good enough to offset the loss of the distracter off the break.
A variation of this theme is easy to put into action as well. During a game, things have sort of frozen up; neither team seems to be able to make a move. Take a guy, have him run down the field yelling and screaming to draw attention. When all the bad guys turn on him, a second guy gets up behind him and shoots all the distracted people in the side of the head. It’s simple, now you try!
Another obvious way to draw guns, or distract people, is to be a good
Paintball team. Having the ability to move players into key spots, like a snake for instance, is a great example of a good team. While the lesser team is so caught up in dealing with the guy in the snake, guns are pulled away from other zones in the field. The key is for the snake guy to stay alive long enough, soak up the guns long enough, that you can recognize which lanes have opened and go through them
Of course I have seen other teams use less than sporting ways. One way I have heard a lot about is more of a con than a distraction. Say there is one guy guarding the lane that you need to run through to get to the key bunker. If that guy were forced to stop shooting at you, you could make that bump with ease. And if the ref thought that player might possibly be hit, and had to go check him, that player might be distracted, correct? And if you screamed bloody murder that you had in fact shot that player, so
much so that the ref called that player neutral, or disrupted his ability to shoot his lane, is that so wrong? Yes. But so is speeding. Life is full of decisions; just make sure you understand the consequences of yours.
Dark side
Another distraction seems downright wrong to me, but I see it from time to time anyway. (You people are sick, how do you sleep at night?) This time it relies on people’s natural curiosities. Again it is best used when the game has slowed down, or off the break. A guy goes running down the field to take someone down, or to bump to his next bunker. When he starts getting hit he falls to the ground clutching his balls/shoulder/knee and screaming out in pain. Naturally the bad guys will take a pause to assess what is going on. You hear screaming, you are going to try to figure out what is up.
In that pause the rest of the team goes running down field to take key spots or to take down key spots, or run back, or hide, or read the paper. The point is you can do just about anything you want on a Paintball field if no one is shooting at you. So when you do get that chance I suggest you use your opportunity wisely. I always like to scan the audience and see if any hot chicks are watching me.
Reap the benefits
So now you know what to do, here's how to do it to maximum effect: Set up plays ahead of time to try out your new skills of distraction. If you anticipate a bunker is going to be particularly hard to make, or if a team is going to be playing very defensively, make a pre-set plan so everyone knows their jobs. The best spot to run a distraction through is right up the middle. The middle is so great to run through because so many people can see it...and get distracted by it! So launch a front guy or a mid guy through the middle of the field to a bad guy's 40 or even 30 yard bunker in the center of his side of the field. This should scare enough people for enough time to do the distraction trick.
Have a set call. The code goes out, "Blackjack!" for example. When the code is yelled the distractor does his job. Either what we just discussed, or to block that running lane for his teammate. The second player in the play, the guy running to the key spot, simply waits a certain amount of time, the time you think it'll take to get
the attention of the guys shutting down the lane, and freeing him up. I think about five seconds is a pretty good bet, but every situation is different, so plan and time your move carefully. After the pause he zips up into his next bunker, hopefully taking the bad guys by surprise, and making the other team wear it.
'Takedown' sounds cool, and is also a great distraction move on a key bunker.
Say the key bunker is on a tape, the bad guys have it, and it's locked down tighter than a nun on Sunday. A good way to grab the attention of the guys watching over the spot is to run a guy past it in an 'attempt' to take the key player out. However, this guy's job is not really to shoot him, but rather to get the opposition's guns pointing away from the key spot. As he runs past the bunker, most players are going to bonus ball him to make a statement – and this is what you want, as your guy continues to run way past the key bunker, taking all those nasty guns with him. With everyone blazing guy #1, guy #2 appears out of nowhere, chips in and takes down the key bunker, et voilà!
Sometimes you are abandoned by your suckass teammates and find yourself alone on the field. Here distractions are very difficult to create – but also very effective if you succeed. When the other team is bearing down on you, thinking you are the only player left, yell out instructions to an imaginary teammate. Tell "Jim" to stay watching over you, or to watch guys you know are there. That alone should give the bad guys a slight case of personal doubt, especially the guys closest to you.
But the ruse won't last forever, and you need to seize your window of opportunity for the few seconds it is open for you. So make those precious seconds count. You can switch spots unseen, and hope to catch people off guard, or you can try a run through. A lot of the time people are working on taking you down and looking like superstars more than they are trying to keep you from coming out of your bunker. Use that to your advantage!
Sucker!
But just because you've mastered the skills of distraction yourself, doesn't mean no-one's gonna go and try the self same trick moves on your sorry ass. You just need
to remember that it is team Paintball, not individual. So just do your own job, silly, and stop fretting about the rest of the field – that's what your teammates are there for. If you are the guy watching the key bunker and someone sounds like they are running through the other side of the field, have faith. Have faith that your team is taking care of the problem, and they will have faith that you are going to continue to do your important task. Team work – what a wonderful thing!
If you are working on the last guy and he starts yelling to a teammate that
may or may not be there, just slow it down a bit. You don't need to finish every game with a punishing run-through. Just rely upon your teammates to find spots where there may be bad guys hiding. If it seems like he is the last player, figure out how to kill him without exposing yourself in an open downfield run. Shoot your guns, earn your kills, and that way you won't put yourself in a bad situation. It's not as glorious or exciting, but the win IS the most important thing, right?
I am sure there are other ways to use distractions to your advantage. And that is your homework. I am going to need a two-page essay on distractions, and which plays work best for you. Include your findings in association with each of the methods listed above. I need it to be typed and double spaced, with all your references clearly sited. Due date: Monday morning. As for me, I’ll be at the beach, trying to run my own distraction play on some lovely ladies.
